Coping

This is what I've been doing for the past one month (and why I've been such an irregular blogger):

• 5.45 am - Get V's milk ready. (Though she stopped with her bottle at 1.2 years, she still needs to start the day with a cup of warm milk. She uses a straw)
• 6.00 am - Give V her milk and start on getting the house straightened out for the day
• 8.00 am - Get V ready for school - brush, potty, bath, dress, breakfast, vitamins, pack lunch
• 8.45 am - Drop V off at school and rush to work
• 11.30 am - Leave to pick V up from school
• 12.00 pm - Take V home and feed her lunch
• 1.00 pm - Settle V down for a nap while following up on emails
• 2.00 pm - Leave for work
• 10.00 pm - Leave the office (the techie was going home for V's bedtime, though there were days when he couldn't make it and I had to fit that in as well)
• 11.30 pm - Catch-up on work with the techie
• 12.30 am - Relax with a book and cup of herbal tea
• 1.00 am - Crash
•  3.30 am - Get-up for a quick nappy change before crashing again (I have no intention of night toilet training till V's three)

Now that the new nanny is on board, this week should be easier *fingers and toes crossed*. Pray for me fellow mamas and bloggers.

How do you cope with a nanny/daycare/babysitter crises?

The Nanny Hold-Up

Happy New Year. I love fresh starts and the possibilities they promise. One possibility I would love is a proper vacation at an exotic location with some serious pampering. Right now I'm strapped for cash and time, so am trying to make do with virtual vacationing via the net.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but if I had to choose who came with me on a holiday, this is how I would think:
- baby free holiday (yeah, I wish), then definitely the husband. I mean we haven't had our second honeymoon yet!
- holiday with the baby:
   1. hmmmmmmm.....I can take the nanny and spend the whole day at the spa or
   2. I can take the husband (who is a great dad and will definitely make sure I get some time off to relax) but we won't get any couple time, as he's totally devoted to V

I think my holiday dilemma gives people an idea of how attached I am to my nanny. Ok, not my nanny as an individual, but the nanny figure in my life. I totally need her to get through the day, at least 6 days a week. If she has an emergency and calls in the morning to say she can't make it, I completely lose it. That's because I basically have to spend the next hour or so organizing my little one's day and I have to take the second half of the day off from work or work from home with a little voice asking "Mummy if I play quietly will you finish working quickly and be with me?". Then the guilt kicks in and I can't focus.

Since our business is a  start-up, I spend about 10 hours at the office and work 4 hours at home (after the munchkin's bedtime). So in an ideal situation I have a morning nanny who picks V up from school and takes care of her till early evening after which a babysitter takes over till I get home for bath and bedtime.

All this being said and done, I'm currently nannyless and juggling working and babycare with the hubby. Thankfully our babysitter is available in the evenings for her regular shift. I think our desperate straits are common knowledge in the nanny world, along with the fact that we run our own business. Every nanny who comes to us for an interview is asking a salary that's double of what the market currently pays. And the perks! Although at this point I'm pretty open to anything expect the nanny getting into bed with the techie.

On second thoughts, if she finds him attractive would she do the night nappy duty in-exchange and let me have a night of full sleep! Worth thinking about.

Are We Really Good Business Partners?

I've always found that work helps me forget my worries, so I decided to focus on something that I've neglected for a while, my "working with your partner" series.

Last time I posted on this topic we discussed how to judge if going into business with your spouse is a good idea. We focused on a series of questions/potential-conflict areas that would help us judge the suitability of such a decision. I had promised to give my answers to those questions and that's exactly what I'm going to do here.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the list when I decided to embark on this journey with the techie, so my answers may be (a lot) less than perfect. Anyway, I'm taking the plunge now:

1. Is this what you really want and is it right for you?: The first part of this question is pretty easy. The techie and I have discussed this since the day we got engaged. The desire to go into business together was the one thing we had  in common (probably the only one, till today). With respect to the second part of the question, it seems right most of the time because both of us are excited to face new challenges everyday and we can play devil's advocate without getting personal (well most of the time). 
2. Why are you starting a business?: We both seem to have the appetite to take on risks and we have a shared dream to help the less fortunate through our social business. 
3. Who's vision is it?: I'm not ashamed to admit that the vision here is the techie's. I'm more of the getting things done kind of person. However, the vision grew from our desire to start a social business and all the research we put in to determine where there was a market gap.
4. Are your expectations of work life-balance the same?: We are aware that this is going to be a big part of our lives for the next decade, at a minimum, and have tried to plan our personal life accordingly. In terms of priorities we see eye to eye about 80% of the time, which I think is healthy and partly because we are sharing our life on all fronts.
5. Map out areas of management and responsibility: Based on our core strengths, experience and qualifications, we have divided up the work-load as - the techie covers marketing, projects (expansion) and IT, while I focus on operations and finance.
6. Can your relationship handle this arrangement?: This is undoubtedly the toughest question of the lot (we seems to have started with the easiest). Initially, I didn't give this much though since we seemed to be compatible on the big stuff, however, it's not all plain sailing. There are days when I really appreciate the fact that we can complement each other both at home and at work, while on other days divorce seems inevitable (luckily these are few and far apart). 

So those were my two cents on what it takes to work with your spouse. Though I think it's useful to ponder all the above points, you also need to trust your instincts. Do you think we are really good business partners or just good partners? Let me know if there's anything I missed out or  if you need help formulating your answers.

Weekend Zen

I realized one thing this week. It doesn't matter how many brilliant posts you write in your head, you need to put it out in the blogsphere for it to have any sort of real value. So before the next weekend starts, here's a post I've been meaning to write for the past seven days. This is not one of those brilliant post (you need to hang out here regularly to get to read those), however, it's a special one.

Last week I decided that I need to be more like the techie. When he's with the little one, he completely enjoys her. I understand that I can never be the same, since a mummy's balance of fun versus responsibility is different from a daddy's (at least in my limited experience). However, I have also understood that sometimes you just need to have fun and throw caution to the winds, because this time with my daughter will not come back. So, I attacked the weekend with this learning in ,mind (yes, I can plan a fun day too). Surprisingly, just the intention to have fun lead to a spontaneous zen-inducing day.

On the weekends our whole family gets together to relax. So, we have about 7 kids ranging from 1.10 years to 15 years throw together. The first half of the day was pretty much par for course. Grocery shopping, family lunch and a movie in the home theater while the younger ones napped. Post naps we stepped into the driveway to perfect weather conditions, bright sunshine and a cooling breeze. That's when I hit on my first idea, hopscotch. This may seem a bit silly to some of you, but today's kids either play organized sport or spend time on the phone, in-front off the computer/television. 

When I asked for some driveway chalk they were all intrigued. By the time I had the first box drawn out, I had 10 people helping me. We ended-up with 2 different layouts and marked them as level 1 and level 2. This has to be the most fun game of hopscotch I have played in years. The little ones just had fun jumping, while the older ones loved the challenge and the adults actually got some decent workouts.  The perfect way to enjoy the perfect day.

We didn't end with hopscotch. The enthusiastic competing gave all of us a big appetite and I decided to make my favourite spaghetti arrabiata (I know it's nothing special, but we love it). My 12 year old niece loves cooking and wanted to help me out. My toddler is my current kitchen helper. So the three of us set off to blanch the tomatoes. By the time the tomatoes where ready for peeling I had 5 kids in the kitchen (2 of the boys joined in and the littlest boy decided to keep pulling stuff of the workspace). They all peeled and chopped the tomatoes, smashed the garlic, and halved the spaghetti sticks. (Breaking the sticks was their favourite activity, thought the flying pieces of dry spaghetti  almost caused a few injuries. I finally had them close their eyes every time they snapped the sticks.) Everyone had a turn at stirring the sauce and tearing up the herbs. The troupe even enjoyed the clean-up part. All this fun also resulted in food that everyone loved (there were about 15-20 of us that evening).

The best part of this experience - I spent a fun, stress-free day with my baby.

This is what I've planned for tomorrow's zen experience - jump rope competitions followed by tofu and vegetable stir-fry with buck wheat noodles. (The little one's running a fever today, so don't know if this will actually materialize.) 

What do you do for family fun? I love new ideas and am always willing to use my husband and child as guinea pigs (just kidding).

Bloggy Inspiration

Life has been so mad, that I actually forgot I have a blog. How lame is that!

Towards the end of October, I kept getting these amazing ideas for posts, however I didn't have the time to actually write them down. Now when I've finally logged in, I don't know what to write about! If this isn't a perfect example of irony, what is?

I think I read somewhere that most bloggers tire of their blogs within the first six months. Now, I definitely haven't gotten bored, just very busy and I absolutely don't want to give-up on my blog or lose the few readers I have. So I've decided to go and spend sometime reading the blogs that keep me going through the week and look for inspiration. Why don't you all come along and enjoy yourselves. I promise you some great reads:

• More Than Just A Mother* - This is the first mommy blog I ever read and till date it's my favourite. I dare you not to laugh out aloud. Infact, I would go so far as to say, that this mother got me to start blogging. If I spent as much time writing as I do reading her blog and thinking up interesting comments, I probably would have a book contract by now. She's pretty famous now, however, she still replies to most comments!
• Lost in translation - This is one tongue-in-cheek mommy blogger who loves poop. Her babies are bi-lingual and pretty entertaining. I found her blog after I started my own. I really appreciate the fact that she always takes time to visit and comment on her reader's blogs. This despite just having had her third baby!
• A Girl In Asia - This adventurer is truly awesome. She not only gives us great food insights of the cities she's lived in, she also connects her readers to other amazing travel and food bloggers. My personal favourite read, on this blog, is her aptly named 'Cafe Crush' series.
• Fashion Butter - When  I'm feeling down and dowdy, I turn to this greek girl for a bit of glamour. Her wedding pictures are dreamy. She can convert a regular cardigan into a glamorous dress! Trust me I need a lot of help in the glamour department, so if I can use her tips, so can you
• COCOCOZY - If you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll know that I've been planning my dream house for ages. Well, this is where I go for a lot of my inspiration. I don't know how she gets around like she does, but you really do get a lot of tempting eye candy here. Though occasionally I am tempted in the direction of bank-robbery or grand fraud (just kidding, please don't hand me over to the authorities yet).
• It's a small world after all** - This is my dream life. I've been planning something like this since I was 18 and now she's gone and done it. Yeah, I'm referring to becoming a world resident (remember my one month in one country plan?). A couple and their three children take 9 months off real life to traverse the globe. How much better can it get?
• The Yummy Mummy** - Is about having a really good time with your kids in the kitchen (and not walking around in 6-inch heels). I found this lovely read when I was looking for ideas on weekend activities with my 2 year old. We love messing up the kitchen together, though to be fair, the toddler also enjoys clearing up! This lady is also one of the most generous bloggers I have ever come across and she's currently working on her soon to be published book.
• Just Another Mommy Blog - I heart this woman. There's this warm feeling you get when you read her posts. I think it's because she truly enjoys her role as a mom. Get this she has three blogs and homeschools all three of her children!

Now there are loads more blogs out there that I enjoy, however, this post was taking too long, so I just decided to go with the names that came to me first. I'll definitely be adding to the list going forward.

*I didn't not copy her blog name. I had already registered my blog and was searching for mommy blogs to understand how blogging worked when I came across this lovely mother of three.

**I have a confession to make. I read these blogs on my iPhone, when I'm patting my daughter to sleep every night. So even though I love them , I don't comment quite so much as I should. Sorry to you lovely bloggers, I adore you girls.

P.S.: I just realized I have no idea how blogging protocol works. I didn't bother to take the permission of these lovely women, I just linked their blogs and left a comment letting them know. Hope they don't get mad and ban me from their blogs. I doubt I'll survive the shame if that happens.

Should I Work with My Husband

The basis for today's post is an article I read in an entrepreneurial magazine titled "Should You Go Into Business with Your Spouse?" If you look at my previous entry on what working with my husband is like you'll see how this article hit the right note with me. The writer had quite a few relevant, noteworthy points. I decided to put my own spin on these points and share them with people who are thinking about partnering outside the house.

So try and answer these before you take the leap:

• Is this what you really want and is it right for you?: I think this is the most important question to answer, since a lot of people do things for different reasons even when their instinct is not to go ahead with something. A strong factor to consider is the nature of your relationship, is it a case of opposites attract, peas in a pod or something entirely different. This analysis will let you know what to expect in a working relationship.
• Why are you starting a business?: The reason you are getting into a business may change as you and the business grow over time. However, when starting you need to know if this is something you want to incorporate into your life for the foreseeable future or if you want to build a brand and sell it in the long run. 
• Who's vision is it?: Both partners need to be on the same page when it comes to how and in which direction you want your business to head. Have you both agreed on the nature of the business and the method of operation? Do you share a common vision for your future business? If this isn't out of the way right at the beginning (at least on an outline basis) it could cause a bit of strife.
• Are your expectations of work-life balance the same?: This is a potentially explosive area. It starts right from your concept of work ethics (can we check personal mail during working hours, can we work flexible hours) to who handles what responsibilities on the home front and how will you manage personal emergencies.
• Map out areas of management and responsibility: This point may seem simple, since it's self-explanatory. However, when you have people joining your business as employees they will need clarity on the reporting hierarchy.
• Can your relationship handle this arrangement?: The crucial question, obviously. Look at it this way, a lot of people have a baby to try and strengthen a relationship that may not be working. A new business s the same. Have a frank discussion on whether your relationship balance and status will withstand being combined with a working relationship.

Let me know what you make of this exercise. Was it useful? Do you have anything to add?

Next up:

• Part 3 - My personal answers to these questions
• Part 4 - Guidelines on establishing a working relationship with your spouse

 If you find this series too boring, let me know and I'll add an alert at the beginning of such posts.

Going into Business with the Techie

We are finally done with the public launch of our company and I can get back to squeezing in some blogging time. I've just realized how hard it is to write again when you have been on a break. The ideas are there, however, the flow is not smooth. Any tips there? So here's my attempt at putting my thoughts down on paper (virtually).

When people realize that the techie and I run a business together, the first thing they ask is "What's it like to work with your husband? Don't you get tired of each other?" I used to wonder about the same thing when I heard of such situations, before we started our little venture, and now I finally have an answer.

I hate it, however I wouldn't trade it for the world. Confused, well so am I, so you can keep me company.

The techie handles marketing and projects, while I run operations and finance. Point is we are always fighting over our different areas of operation and can't help discussing work to the exclusion of all else, except our daughter. This means we have absolutely no personal time. Secondly, at least in the near future, we cannot take a holiday together. Due to the size, nature and newness (pardon the word) of our operations, one of us has to be on hand at all time. This means we take separate breaks, if we do get to take a break. Plus, we have to be completely reachable and ready to take decisions (with all relevant updates and information) even when on holiday.

The benefits are that we though work long and unusual hours, we can support each other in all aspects including child-care (though the onus for domestic arrangements falls on me and business arrangements fall on him).

At the end of the day, I don't know if I can ever go back to a regular job, were we see each other only at the end and beginning of the day, even if we get to take family vacations.

Example, last week the techie went on a break with the boys for two days. I had loads of work since I had to cover for him as well. However, I was bored out of my mind since I couldn't pick-up the inter-office phone and pick a fight with him!

Don't try to understand me, I'm too complicated even for me. All I can say is, it's literally a 'partnership' in every sense of the word for us.

P.S. - Have just decided that this will be the first in a mini-series of posts on working with your spouse. Who knows what enlightenment I may get from the introspection and my fellow bloggers.

Law and Order

I finally had an epiphany on why I haven't been able to blog regularly for the last month (excluding the vacation). It's because I don't manage my time well! Fine, I know it's not a a groundbreaking discovery, however, it does put me on the right path to getting rid of a lot of my stress.

What basically happens with me is - I start the day of fine, noting done all my tasks in order of urgency and importance. I even start working on the list with full concentration (I love striking of tasks from my list, so satisfying) and the best of intentions. Where I flounder is when an employee or family member interrupts and asks for my attention. I am totally unable to tell people to come back later. I have to resolve everybody's problems for them and before know it the day is over and I have over 70% of my incomplete list (to which loads of other stuff has been added during the day) staring back at me. In addition to this, I tend to get so involved when I have a writing task that I lose all track of time.

So basically at the end of the day, I rush home, feed my baby, play with her and put her to bed. The time I spend with her I'm totally focused on her, however if she takes time to doze off I get impatient because I still have to tackle my list and get it all done before the next day dawns.

See this is where I go wrong. I should be pressurizing adults to keep to a schedule, not a two year old who just wants some extra cuddle time with her mummy! So, I decided to bring in a clear time management technique to handle my day. Let me tell you there are so many techniques out there that you need to make a schedule just to go through all that information. I finally settled on two major tools that seemed simple and efficient.

The first one was pretty obvious, set out fixed time slots for:

• Internal meetings
• Interviews  
• Meeting with visitors

Obviously, family members will be highly offended if I set out a time for them to get in touch with me. So had to accept those pleasant distractions as they were.

The second tool I stumbled across purely by chance and almost dismissed. It was managing your time in minutes! Come on I work 12-14 hours a day, that's an average of 780 minutes. I was pretty skeptic about this, until I read that the world's best lawyers, who bill their clients by the hour use this technique to track and manage their time. I was sold, come on, if it's good for top-notch lawyers, it's good enough for me.

This is how the concept basically works. You split your hour in batches of 7to 10 minutes and then assign parts of a schedule task for each slot. Over the course of the day you finish all your tasks. Apparently this method keeps your mind fresh and alert since you spend limited time focusing on each task at any point of time. Obviously, if you have pressing deadline you need to tweak the system a bit.

Anyway, I've listed out my major tasks for today and am all set. Obviously, the first ten minutes are up, since I use them to write this entry. Wish me luck and I'll let you know how things work out. Who knows maybe I'll  use this to manage my mommy/wife time as well!

Office Romance

Last Wednesday was one of the rare days that the techie and I actually worked together for a while during office hours. We had to accompany the brand consultants on a site tour of a couple of our satellite centers. The weather was great since we had a mild drizzle which helped cool off the city, after a terribly hot week, and we where getting to spend sometime outdoors. In addition, designing and building the brand is one of the most creative and interesting aspects of running a business, which is what the exercise was aimed at. So I was already feeling quite chirpy.

Our brand consultant and design expert are really interesting people to hang out with and we had a productive   morning. We finished around lunch time by when I was starving, so we decided to splurge on a nice lunch, since most of our lunches are a 20 minute run-eat-run back routine during which we update each other on our areas of operation. We drove around looking for a new place to eat and ended up at this lovely little restaurant with a picture window looking out on to the beach. After lunch we strolled down to a local ice-cream shop and had  dessert. Though we ended up discussing the morning's work and our schedule for the rest of the day it was still some nice couple time, which we hadn't got in a while.

This episode has taught me to stay alert for opportunities in the future. Time is what we make of it and this little interlude will keep me going for a month at least.

I have to add that when we got back to the office we had a heated argument on the finances. However, all through that discussion I was actually smiling in my head.

P.S.- Did my title mislead you? Hey I'm married and not into extra marital affairs. Plus, the techie is the best looking guy at work (I'm not biased).

Sprinkles, sparkle and hospitals

I am guilty of the neglecting this fun, virtual sanctuary of mine for real life. After moaning about my lack of social life, the last 10 days have been crazy - good and bad. Here's what I've been up to:

• Our big anniversary dinner with the whole family (about 25 people)
• A 50th anniversary celebration for a family friend's of ours - the pre-dinner speeches revealed a lot of previously unknown information about the special couple
• Spending some quality time with my parents, who were down for a visit - actually my daughter monopolized them
• A two year old's birthday party at a 100 year old club - I had one of the toughest workout's of my life running after my daughter and nephew all over the massive park
• A house warming party - great business networking opportunity
• A film premier to launch my cousin's new movie theater chain - the movie was cliche, however it was fun to dress up a bit, plus the sound system was great
• A visit to the emergency room when the little one suddenly started running a high fever and screaming that her tummy hurts - we had a traumatic ultrasound session interspersed with bouts of vomiting, followed by a suppository. Not the best day   

All this clubbed with 12 hour (at a minimum) work days, makes for a pretty exciting life. I could start getting used to all the glamour and glitz, obviously sans the hospital visit. Sadly, all I have lined up for the month of July is a 6th birthday party for my nephew and the official media launch of our business, which is not as glamorous as it sounds and just means more work.
I have such bouts of activity (apart from the work part, which is pretty standard) only once in 3 or 4 months. So I'm expecting things to go back to the boring old status quo soon.

Worst Mother in School

Summer is over in our part of the world and my daughter went back to school today. Technically her play school opened yesterday, however we had our company's soft launch and I wanted her to be there for it. The little one has moved from 'Playgroup' to 'Nursery' and she was all excited about seeing her friends.  So I was prepared for a few tears at the most. This is what actually happened.

The moment our car stopped in front of her school gate, she claimed that her feet were tired and I should carry her. Since I anticipated spending some time inside settling her down and didn't want to be late for work, I just decided to give in and carry her. When we stepped in we were asked to go over and get her temperature checked (not with a thermometer, it was some sort of handheld device that they aim at your forehead) and clean our hands with a sanitizer. Apparently, there's been some concern over kids coming back from summer vacations with some nasty viruses. Now my daughter loves using the sanitizer, so imagine my surprise when she started screaming her head off while at the same time trying to climb up onto my shoulders!

Things just got worse when I carried my wailing child into her new classroom and she refused to get down and greet her best friend, who I must admit was looking stunned. I finally handed her over to the nanny who assists the teachers and was preparing to exit, when her new class teacher caught me:

Teacher: Your daughter didn't come in yesterday. She missed the first day.

Me: Eeeehhhh, yes. I'm sorry.

Teacher: This is going to make it tougher for her to settle in.

Me: I'm sorry, we had an important family event which I didn't want her to miss. (I understand, bit I see plenty of kids crying today as well. Plus, yesterday was only half an hour, the same as today.)

Teacher: You don't want her falling behind, do you. Unless a child is sick, she shouldn't be missing classes.

Me: I will try to keep that in mind. (Well it's not like she's missing advanced math or physics. All these kids do is play, colour, dance, learn a few basic concepts and have a snack. I'm sure I can help her with whatever she's missed.)

Teacher: Didn't you also miss the orientation program for parents last week.

Me: Yes, I'm sorry. (What do you expect me to do since it was on a weekday at 12 pm. Plus I got all the material beforehand and was prepared in advance.)

A very subdued me, kissed her sniffling baby goodbye and walked out, thinking 'I'm with you sweetie, I liked your previous teacher better too'.

Am I really that bad a mother? In my defense I spent the whole summer travelling 20 extra kilometers, so that my baby could go to the best summer camp in the city. And my husband or me were always there to drop and pick her up. I also participated in all the parent child activities, even though it meant taking a half-day off on quite a few occasions.

What do other working mom's do? Can someone give me ideas on dealing with teachers who hate working moms.

Wake-up to the Daylight

As everyone who knows me will vouch, reading is what I love best, followed by art and sleeping. So I decided to dedicate an entry every week to either a book that has caught my fancy or some information on the art world. This is to help me broaden my (currently narrow) horizon and focus on something other than my family and business. I may, later, add on other topics of interest, since I truly believe that each of us needs to try and be the best we can. So this is my starting point.

The book that recently made a big impression on me was "Chasing Daylight" by Eugene O'Kelly. Though I read this book a few months back, and have read about 10-15 books since, it has really stayed with me. It's a sort of biography by the former CEO of KPMG and covers the last few months of his life after he was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour.

Funnily, the book isn't morbid or weepy. Even I (the person who cried when she saw Jack Dawson die in the Titanic) didn't shed a tear! It just inspires you to take life by the horns, decide where you want to go and start heading in that direction.

Though the author wishes he could have done certain things better, he also doesn't let regret slow him down. There are great lessons here for anyone who runs a business or is working towards a managerial position. There are lots of ideas on helping employees find some sort of work-life balance. One idea I particularly liked was where senior managers were encouraged to switch off their phones for the first 30 minutes after they got home.

Another great aspect is his relationship with his wife and the rest of his family. Though I'm sure we all value our family, we often forget to draw strength from each other. This seems to be especially true of young busy couples. We forget that the person next to us, is there to lift us up when we stumble and that there's nothing wrong in admitting that your scared or need some help.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling now and let everyone read and understand it for themselves. Just one last thing, for you non-readers out there, it's a really slim book and really worth every minute spent reading it.

This book has definitely woken me up to the possibilities that lie before me.