New Year Aspirations

This has been a year of learning and growing for me. I like to think that I have blossomed as a person through the experiences I have had. The year centered around:

• starting a blog
• learning to be a mummy (I think this will be an ongoing aspect of my life as long as I live)
• struggling to get a start-up on it's feet while working with the techie (we have learnt to understand and accept each other a little better, I think)
• handling more responsibilities as a daughter to my parents and in-laws (and trying to support my grandparents a little better)
• just listening to my little brother as he goes through some big changes in his life (lots more to come in the new year) 

I began blogging primarily to get back on track with my writing. However, I've been overwhelmed by the amount of strength I'm been able to draw from the small but close-knit circle of friends that it has given me. As a bonus, it's brought me even closer to another mummy-friend of mine, who was little more than an acquaintance in school (Darling, you know who you are).

For the new year, I'm not going to make any resolutions. I'm only going to aspire to be happier and try not to dwell on the past or have any regrets. Hopefully, I'll spread around some of that happiness and joy.

I'm signing off now with a whole load of love and best wishes for my bloggy friends, who have given me so much this year. See you in 2011. Here's *raise imaginary glass of champagne* to more sharing, caring, happiness and fun in the coming year.

P.S.- This is my 49th post. So am starting the New Year with post no.50. Yay!

I Am the Way I Am and I Can be Anything

When I had my little girl  I promised myself that I would do my best to ensure that she had oodles of self-confidence. My husband also feels strongly on this, especially after seeing quite a few young girls we know, become obsessed with their being skinny and trying to do stuff to fit in with their crowd.

We identified two areas that seemed to contribute to high self-esteem (in our limited opinion) - being happy with the way you look and the assurance that you are capable of achieving anything you set your mind on.

When it comes to body image, I'm like any other woman and occasionally do analyze my imperfections, however, I never feel insecure in the way I look (even if I'm look as if I'm carrying a baby in my tummy right now). The techie and I have made a conscious effort to never give importance our looks and weight (except in a health context) in front of V.  What we focus on, when we discuss our physical appearance is:

• The importance of grooming, with respect to hygiene and being presentable
• Physical fitness and it's relationship with outdoor play

Despite all this, she's still very much a little girl who loves to play dress-up and use my flavoured lip balms! However, she's not obsessed with the actual results just the blingyness (my own word) of it all.

My mom has thought the little munchkin a song that I love and constantly sing to her and myself:

I AM THE WAY I AM

I am the way I am and I'm very happy with that

I may be tall or I may be short, my body maybe thin or fat

It doesn't really matter at all

Because I am the way I am and I'm very happy with that

Try this song, it really does lift your spirits and is so much fun to sing together.

When it comes to ability, I always think of the movie 'The Pursuit of Happyness'. In the 'Dream Scene'   Will Smith gives his son a long list of reasons why he'll never be a good basket-ball player. Then he does a complete turn-about and says "Never let anybody tell you, you can't do something, not even me". I couldn't have put it better. This movie is our all time favourite (the techie and I) and we constantly use the lessons to motivate ourselves and our child. 

Anyway those are my random thoughts for today. What are you very particular about when it comes to nurturing your children?

Discovering Pure Joy

I'm not talking about some swanky perfume. Hello, I'm a mummy, we don't indulge ourselves with such wasteful pleasures, or rather we pretend not to and do it on the sly.

What's more important is, this weekend I re-discovered true joy. Don't you remember the blissed out feeling that  used to wash over us once we handed in our last exam paper of the term and had 60 days of summer fun ahead. I unexpectedly had that experience after years.

We were having a family wine session on Saturday night. There was some dance music on, the adults were chattering away and the kids were going crazy trying to keep up with the music and their made up moves. All of a sudden my mom (who does not touch alcohol) nudged me and pointed at my daughter. My little angel was dancing, not her usual bounce, but real dance steps. Crossing her feet, doing a gentle wave with her arms and best of all she had this totally blissed out expression on her face. I can't explain how or why, but for the next 15 minutes I was as oblivious to my surroundings as my baby girl. Her pure joy in dancing some how transferred it self to me and I entered this trance like state of total contentment and serenity.

If this sounds too New Age to any of you, don't worry, it feels the same to me. This is not me, I'm an overworked, highly-stressed, over-analysing individual, like most moms of my generation.

However, for those 15 minutes I was in a place I thought had disappeared with my childhood.

When I came out of my trance I nudged the techie and pointed at the munchkin, with the hope that he would get a glimpse into paradise.  

This is Special. Care to Share?

As the second challenge of the Back to Blogging exercise by the girls at SITS, we were asked to chose one post which we wish more people had read. Well, for me there was no hesitation here. This is my favorite post to date and one I really want to share with a lot more people. So here it is again.

Doing It All Over Again

Today's is my little brother's 26th birthday and I miss being with him. Even though I'm married with a baby, I can't believe my little brother is in his twenties, a successful trader who I see once in three to six months. I've always considered him my first child and still call him baby within our family circle (he would never live it down if I called him that in public).

We always were and are very close and both of us never imagined that we would live apart. In fact not very long ago, probably about 10 years back, we used to have animated discussions over what our shared grown-up flat would be like. We both share a love of books, and the only arguments we have ever had are over who would read the latest Wilbur Smith first, though we are very different in other aspects. My relationship with this baby of mine has been a defining constant throughout my life. First, I was his second mommy, then his friend and sister and now we are semi-equals (he still listens to me) taking and giving each other advice, support and love.

This unconditional love of a sibling is what I want for my daughter. This is the reason that, even though we can't afford another child now, financially or otherwise (in terms of time), I feel strongly that we need to have at least one more. The best gift my parents ever gave me was my brother and my child deserves the same sort of support and companionship. This in my mind has way more value than any other inheritance I can ever give her. Even after we are gone, she will have family to love her and for her to love, an unbreakable lifelong bond.

So though this entry has gotten a little mushy, I have come to a conclusion. However, tough it's going to be to go through the nursing, sleepless nights, potty-training and time management exercises again, I want to do it. This is truly the best gift I can give my baby girl.

Happy birthday my darling first baby, you are in my thoughts always. I heavenly you.


As you can see I wrote this post from the heart. Though this is true with a lot of bloggers, for me it goes two ways. I may feel strongly about something, however my writing style can also be objective rather than subject if the topic is not a personal one.


Anyway, back to the topic of my favorite post. What do you feel? Am I an exception in this generation or the norm.


*I'd like to thank the generous sponsors of this challenge,   Standards of Excellence,Westar, and Florida Builder Appliances.

Law and Order

I finally had an epiphany on why I haven't been able to blog regularly for the last month (excluding the vacation). It's because I don't manage my time well! Fine, I know it's not a a groundbreaking discovery, however, it does put me on the right path to getting rid of a lot of my stress.

What basically happens with me is - I start the day of fine, noting done all my tasks in order of urgency and importance. I even start working on the list with full concentration (I love striking of tasks from my list, so satisfying) and the best of intentions. Where I flounder is when an employee or family member interrupts and asks for my attention. I am totally unable to tell people to come back later. I have to resolve everybody's problems for them and before know it the day is over and I have over 70% of my incomplete list (to which loads of other stuff has been added during the day) staring back at me. In addition to this, I tend to get so involved when I have a writing task that I lose all track of time.

So basically at the end of the day, I rush home, feed my baby, play with her and put her to bed. The time I spend with her I'm totally focused on her, however if she takes time to doze off I get impatient because I still have to tackle my list and get it all done before the next day dawns.

See this is where I go wrong. I should be pressurizing adults to keep to a schedule, not a two year old who just wants some extra cuddle time with her mummy! So, I decided to bring in a clear time management technique to handle my day. Let me tell you there are so many techniques out there that you need to make a schedule just to go through all that information. I finally settled on two major tools that seemed simple and efficient.

The first one was pretty obvious, set out fixed time slots for:

• Internal meetings
• Interviews  
• Meeting with visitors

Obviously, family members will be highly offended if I set out a time for them to get in touch with me. So had to accept those pleasant distractions as they were.

The second tool I stumbled across purely by chance and almost dismissed. It was managing your time in minutes! Come on I work 12-14 hours a day, that's an average of 780 minutes. I was pretty skeptic about this, until I read that the world's best lawyers, who bill their clients by the hour use this technique to track and manage their time. I was sold, come on, if it's good for top-notch lawyers, it's good enough for me.

This is how the concept basically works. You split your hour in batches of 7to 10 minutes and then assign parts of a schedule task for each slot. Over the course of the day you finish all your tasks. Apparently this method keeps your mind fresh and alert since you spend limited time focusing on each task at any point of time. Obviously, if you have pressing deadline you need to tweak the system a bit.

Anyway, I've listed out my major tasks for today and am all set. Obviously, the first ten minutes are up, since I use them to write this entry. Wish me luck and I'll let you know how things work out. Who knows maybe I'll  use this to manage my mommy/wife time as well!

Introducing Simple Foods: Garlic Labneh and Three Cheese Dip

I'm not much of a cook and when I do enter the kitchen it's because something has caught my fancy and I am suddenly dying to try it. I won't tell you that all this changed when my daughter was born, however, I learnt to be a lot more creative in the kitchen.

The munchkin has weird eating habits, for a baby/toddler/child. She'll eat any diary product (is addicted to milk, any type), loves all fruit and veggies. The problem with her are carbs. She hates white carbs. The only form of carbohydarets she'll eat are hi-fibre ones - weetabix (with/without milk), mutli-grain cereal mixes, granary bread, wheat noodles - with pasta being the only exception. Though recently she has accepted rice and white bread, I still have a tough time getting her to eat a satisfactory (for me) helping of carbs everyday. So, to help her along a little bit, I started experimenting with simple stuff that she seems to love.

A couple of weeks back I was chatting with one of my friends, who also has a picky eater, when I realized that maybe what I've learn't along the way will help other mom's in a similar position. So here's the first of my simple food posts.

The munchkin loves dips of any kind and this gave me an idea. When she's doing her raw foods or high-fibre thing, why don't I give her a dip that rounds of the meal with protein and fat. So, here are two dips that I serve her and the suggested accompaniments.

Since I grew up on Lebanese food, this is my baby friendly version of labneh.

GARLIC LABNEH

Serves: 2 hungry toddlers

Ingredients

• 2 cups plain/greek yoghurt
• 1 clove of garlic - finely chopped
• A tsp of lemon juice (optional) or gated lemon rind - we like some tartness around here
• A pinch of sweet paprika powder (optional) - my nephew likes this addition
• 5 - 10 de-seeded black olives or stuffed green olives
• 1 tsp extra virgin olive oil 

Preparation

1. Hand the yoghurt in a muslin cloth, till most of the whey drips out. This should take between 45 minutes to 2 hours, depending on the initial consistency of the yoghurt.
2. Once the thickened yoghurt is ready, gently mix in the finely chopped garlic and paprika powder.
3. Just before serving, add the lemon juice/rind to the mixture and stir.
4. Decorate the mixture with the olives, top with the olive oil and serve.

Serving suggestion

• Serve as a dip for sticks of fresh carrot and cucumber, and wedges of firm fresh tomatoes.

3 CHEESE DIP

This second dip is a twist on the traditional crackers and cheese combination.

Serves: 3 - 4 toddlers, depending on how much they scoop up or spread all over themselves.

Ingredients

• 1 tbsp butter
• 4 slices of sandwich cheese - tear into bits
• 1 cup grated cheese - Gouda, Cheddar (any mildly mature cheese) - can also be chopped into little bits
• 2 tbsp Parmesan
• 2 cups milk - adjust according to preferred dip consistency
• 1 tbsp oregano/Italian seasoning
• Red chilly flakes (for adults or older kids)

Prepartion

1. Melt the butter in a saucepan on low heat.
2. Add the milk to the melted butter and keep stirring occasionally.
3. When the milk is boiling well, add the bits of cheese slice. 
4. Once the cheese slices have melted, add the grated cheese.
5. After all the cheese has completely melted take of the stove, mix in the oregano and chilly flakes. Set aside till warm (safe for little fingers).
6. Garnish with the the Parmesan, top with some more seasoning (if required) and serve.

Serving Suggestion

• Serve as a dip with Crackers - we prefer crispy wheat or rye.
• Serve on top of slices of toasted baguette or plain toasted bread cut into quarters (a good use for slightly old dried out bread) and decorated with cherry tomato halves.
• Serve with garlic bread. 

Let me know how you adapt these recipes to suit your little ones. I'm always on the look out for foodie innovation.

The List - I miss, I love, I look forward to

This is something everybody in my family knows about me - I love making lists. The techie says that I love my holiday 'what to pack' list more than the actual vacation. The first thing I do every morning at my desk (after 20 seconds of quiet time to focus) is make a task list for the day. (Secret: I then spend 15 minutes in blog land. Which none of my employees know about.) Let me add this is the only part of the day when I use a pencil/pen - there's nothing as satisfying as writing down a list. Also, I tried doing it on my laptop but had to keep the document open thorough the day to refer.

To feed this fetish of mine I have decided to do a list based entry, once in a way. No, no, don't close the page. These are not going to be boring lists, rather they will give you glimpses of the real me (is that part of the boring stuff) and maybe I can do some linky stuff with these posts, as well.

The inspiration for my first post came from this lovely blogger, 'Life as a CEO'. Hope she doesn't mind me being a copy cat. Anyway, the aim is to list what you currently MISS, LOVE and LOOK FORWARD TO at this point in your life. I'm going to limit myself to five points each to stop from writing a whole book.

So without further ado, here's my list:

• I miss....
• My family - we are very close knit, however, we live in three different countries now.
• High school - best period of my life. Does that make me sad? What I really miss from that time is, the lack of serious responsibility, my friends, the plans for my perfect future and being confident of who I was and what I was doing.
• Me time - reading alone at coffeeshops, art, spa visits, getting up late on weekend mornings. I still get a bit of all this thanks to my husband, however it isn't the same.
• Having spare cash -  a baby and a new business tend to be priority when it comes to shelling out the notes. More the business than the baby.
• Travelling - I've had vacation breaks every 2-3 months since I was a child. In fact, the little one and I took about 20 plane rides in her first year. It seems as if we are compensating for all that now (I haven't left the city for almost a year). 
• I love...
• My family - I have more people to love and more people who love me. I can describe myself as a daughter, sister, wife and mom - makes me feel special (I know it's silly. I'm one among billions of such women).
• Working with my husband in our own business - it's not perfect, and there are days when I wish we hadn't got into this. However, every morning when I get up I look forward to coming in to work, so it's definitely right for me.
• Planning our future - I spend quite some time drawing up detailed plans!
• Partly homeschooling my daughter - though the techie and I work full-time and can't really homeschool the munchkin,. We plan to supplement the standard school syllabus with some fun stuff of our own. We have already started with reading and math, next up are museum and art gallery visits.
• I look forward to...
• My dream house - we have a lovely house of our own now. However, I have been planning my dream house for the last year or so and hope to build it before my baby turns ten. I've even done the layouts and cost estimates, though I haven't figured in inflation. 
• Seeing more of the world - we plan to travel all around the world, hopefully with the whole family, and spend one month every year living in a different country.
• Writing a book - haven't decided what it's going to be about. My blog is where I sharpen my writing skills. Any tips?
• Running a half-marathon - I was running pretty regularly before I decided to have my baby. This also has me looking forward to getting fit again.
• Painting again - I plan to make some time, maybe about a year down the line, and go back to this old love of mine.  

So, that's my first list. It was pretty easy to write. I'm sure the moment I publish it, I'll think of 5 more points I should have included. Did you find it boring or insightful? Have I inspired you to make one of your own? Let me know if you do and I'll come over and take a peek into the real you.

Office Romance

Last Wednesday was one of the rare days that the techie and I actually worked together for a while during office hours. We had to accompany the brand consultants on a site tour of a couple of our satellite centers. The weather was great since we had a mild drizzle which helped cool off the city, after a terribly hot week, and we where getting to spend sometime outdoors. In addition, designing and building the brand is one of the most creative and interesting aspects of running a business, which is what the exercise was aimed at. So I was already feeling quite chirpy.

Our brand consultant and design expert are really interesting people to hang out with and we had a productive   morning. We finished around lunch time by when I was starving, so we decided to splurge on a nice lunch, since most of our lunches are a 20 minute run-eat-run back routine during which we update each other on our areas of operation. We drove around looking for a new place to eat and ended up at this lovely little restaurant with a picture window looking out on to the beach. After lunch we strolled down to a local ice-cream shop and had  dessert. Though we ended up discussing the morning's work and our schedule for the rest of the day it was still some nice couple time, which we hadn't got in a while.

This episode has taught me to stay alert for opportunities in the future. Time is what we make of it and this little interlude will keep me going for a month at least.

I have to add that when we got back to the office we had a heated argument on the finances. However, all through that discussion I was actually smiling in my head.

P.S.- Did my title mislead you? Hey I'm married and not into extra marital affairs. Plus, the techie is the best looking guy at work (I'm not biased).

Sprinkles, sparkle and hospitals

I am guilty of the neglecting this fun, virtual sanctuary of mine for real life. After moaning about my lack of social life, the last 10 days have been crazy - good and bad. Here's what I've been up to:

• Our big anniversary dinner with the whole family (about 25 people)
• A 50th anniversary celebration for a family friend's of ours - the pre-dinner speeches revealed a lot of previously unknown information about the special couple
• Spending some quality time with my parents, who were down for a visit - actually my daughter monopolized them
• A two year old's birthday party at a 100 year old club - I had one of the toughest workout's of my life running after my daughter and nephew all over the massive park
• A house warming party - great business networking opportunity
• A film premier to launch my cousin's new movie theater chain - the movie was cliche, however it was fun to dress up a bit, plus the sound system was great
• A visit to the emergency room when the little one suddenly started running a high fever and screaming that her tummy hurts - we had a traumatic ultrasound session interspersed with bouts of vomiting, followed by a suppository. Not the best day   

All this clubbed with 12 hour (at a minimum) work days, makes for a pretty exciting life. I could start getting used to all the glamour and glitz, obviously sans the hospital visit. Sadly, all I have lined up for the month of July is a 6th birthday party for my nephew and the official media launch of our business, which is not as glamorous as it sounds and just means more work.
I have such bouts of activity (apart from the work part, which is pretty standard) only once in 3 or 4 months. So I'm expecting things to go back to the boring old status quo soon.

5 years and more to look forward too

Tomorrow I celebrate 5 years of marital bliss (well mostly) with the love of my life. In these 5 years I've learnt a lot about love, life, maturity, mummyhood and being myself. Some of the lessons have been sweet, others a bit tough to swallow and a few have been bittersweet. But what all of them have  in common, is the lesson that every individual is continually growing and we need to give ourselves and our family the opportunity to enjoy the growth.

My husband and I are together on our anniversary after 3 years (yes, we have celebrated only one anniversary together since we got married), so this year is all the more special. I am lucky to have married the first boy I ever fell in love with and I'll never take that for granted. So today's entry is just to thank my husband for being who he is, the best husband ever, a loving son and son-in-law, a supportive brother and brother-in-law and a dedicated dad who dotes on his daughter.

Thank you honey, for:

• never judging me (When I wanted to enjoy a book and coffee, he learned to read quietly at coffee shops even though he wasn't really a book person and hated to eat alone)
• being my friend and mentor (He helped me write my first real resume and I'm always told by interviewers that it is extremely professional)
• letting me learn things at my own pace (When we were dependent on my cooking, he ate whatever I cooked or if I just didn't want to enter the kitchen he was happy cooking himself or ordering takeaway)
• always being on my side (I can't give enough examples of this one. He has always been my techie in shining armour.)
• always sharing the parenting responsibility equally (He could take care of the little one for a whole day and night before she was one. Giving her a bath, changing nappies, giving her the bottle, soothing nightmares, he did it all.)

My partner in life and love, without you my life would have a far poorer version of it's happy self.

"Marriage is not a Job"......"But it's Hard Work"

I know the release of SATC 2 has been done to death in the girlie blog space, however, I think for each viewer it has it's own relevance (or lack of), so please bear with me. The advantage of being one of the last bloggers to review this movie (we get most Hollywood movies, at least a month after the international release) is that I can give a bit of the story away.

Warning: The last bit may contain spoilers.

The movie was my birthday treat to myself. It was pretty unexpected. I had actually resigned myself to missing the theater shows and watching it at home, since Sunday tickets are extremely difficult to get, for any movie here. It was a packed Saturday at work and I was racing like mad to catch-up, when all of a sudden three meetings were cancelled and I had more than three unplanned hours on my hands. Added benefits, the toddler was at home with the sitter, having her afternoon nap and the husband was tied up with his own set of meetings. So with no man along to pass snide comments or a munchkin who demanded toilet breaks, I set off for three hours of girl time. If I may say so myself, best birthday gift this year.

I wrote this blog entry in my head as I watched the movie (is that weird) and changed the beginning at least twenty times. I am a big SATC fan, however after watching the first movie, I was pretty sure that I would have outgrown the concept and this time I just went along with no expectations. I have to state - the sequel is better than the first movie and  SATC has grown-up with it's viewers. I could actually relate to three of the four characters. Hey! I can never relate to Samantha, though she's fun to watch.

The movie was balanced between the new and the old. Here was Carrie maturing and finally getting what a real marriage was all about,  while Samantha's character stayed true to form. Miranda moves on from her all consuming job to achieve a better work life balance, while Charlotte gives up a bit of her family time to create more 'me' time.

Then only people in the theatre who seemed disappointed were those in the 18-25 category. They felt that the story was'nt SATCish enough nor did it have any decent fashion (they maybe right here). Though Carrie has moved on from Manolo's to Louboutins.

These are the dialogues that really stayed with me (I may not be a 100% right on who said what and the actual wordings):

Charlotte: Marriage is not a job.
Miranda: Yes, but it's hard work.

Miranda: Being a mother is tough.
Charlotte: How do moms who have no help do it?

Samantha: I go to children's birthday parties for you. You are going to Abu Dhabi for me.
Miranda: Children's birthday parties, pulling out the big guns.

Samantha: We made a deal ages ago. Men, babies, doesn't matter. We are soul mates.


Carrie: You have to take the tradition and decorate it your way.

Charlotte: My first thought when I heard Samantha say Harry might cheat on me with Erin was, " Oh my God, I can't lose the nanny".

And it doesn't get more real that that ladies.

I think even my husband will enjoy the movie, once (I hope). He'll definitely like the sound track, 'True Colours' is one of his all time favourite songs.

There were a few goof-ups. One being a scene set in Abu Dhabi (actually Morocco), where the girls are urging Samantha to cover up, while there were bikini clad women in the background! Didn't expect that lack of attention to detail. The second one being, were the script writer inadvertently implies that the only reason a husband won't have an affair with a hot nanny is if she's a lesbian. Hello, please credit our men with a little morality here.

On the whole a truly enjoyable movie, where mature relationships, fun and a little bit of (not so great fashion) mix into a yummy cocktail. Might even get myself a copy of this one.

Mom, Baby and Me

I've had such a great weekend and I'm brimming with ideas for a post. However, I just realized that I missed my weekly book review and decided to catch-up with that today. 


Since I generally read 3-4 books at a time,it usually takes a while to decide on a book. Thankfully, or sadly (depends on how you look at it) there is no competition this time. The book that's really stayed with me is 'Like Mother, Like Daughter' from the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. 

I don't know what most people feel about the Chicken Soup series, I personally feel they are great when taken one book at a time with a substantial gap in between. I happened to pick up this particular book from my 12 year old niece's room on a quiet Sunday afternoon. My daughter and niece where busy cooking in her Dora kitchen and I just wanted to laze around. 


The stories were sentimental (what you generally expect from a Chicken Soup Book) while at the same time being upbeat and real! The realness (for want of a better word) of the mother daughter relationships was what got to me. Right from turning to your mom when you have your first baby, to the fights where we feel like they just can't let us go, I could relate to almost every emotion in the book. Apart from that, there where also stories that triggered off my maternal feelings and made me look at my excited little daughter with a gentle smile on my lips. From the pains of midnight feeds and tantrums to the joys of waking up to a baby's wide smile and little hug, this book has it all covered.


On the downside, I don't think you can read the whole book at one go, since it tends to get a bit mushy. The way I would use it is: first, obviously on the days that I feel down and overworked; secondly on the days when you want an idea on how to thank you mom or daughter for being who they are and loving you.


One thing the book reminded me of is that, life always comes full circle.


   

Doing it all over again

Today's is my little brother's 26th birthday and I miss being with him. Even though I'm married with a baby, I can't believe my little brother is in his twenties, a successful trader who I see once in three to six months. I've always considered him my first child and still call him baby within our family circle (he would never live it down if I called him that in public).

We always were and are very close and both of us never imagined that we would live apart. In fact not very long ago, probably about 10 years back, we used to have animated discussions over what our shared grown-up flat would be like. We both share a love of books, and the only arguments we have ever had are over who would read the latest Wilbur Smith first, though we are very different in other aspects. My relationship with this baby of mine has been a defining constant throughout my life. First, I was his second mommy, then his friend and sister and now we are semi-equals (he still listens to me) taking and giving each other advice, support and love.

This unconditional love of a sibling is what I want for my daughter. This is the reason that, even though we can't afford another child now, financially or otherwise (in terms of time), I feel strongly that we need to have at least one more. The best gift my parents ever gave me was my brother and my child deserves the same sort of support and companionship. This in my mind has way more value than any other inheritance I can ever give her. Even after we are gone, she will have family to love her and for her to love, an unbreakable lifelong bond.

So though this entry has gotten a little mushy, I have come to a conclusion. However, tough it's going to be to go through the nursing, sleepless nights, potty-training and time management exercises again, I want to do it. This is truly the best gift I can give my baby girl.

Happy birthday my darling first baby, you are in my thoughts always. I heavenly you.